I’m Ready

It’s been two weeks since I have trained due to my mat burn refusing to heal. Finally, it is starting to get better and it can’t happen soon enough. I am ready to get back on the mats and get rid of some of this stress.

It’s been one of those days, one of those months and one of those years already. I feel like the Hulk trying to rip myself out of David Banner’s body. Why? I don’t know. The last few years, I have had major bouts with anxiety and depression. I am usually very quiet about it, but I will say that training helps me. It helps me to focus on something; gives me something to look forward to; and gives me something to strive for other than the mundane day-to-day bullshit we all need to deal with and strive for.

Something about getting my butt handed to me by a bunch of guys 10-35 years younger than me is satisfying. Perhaps satisfying is an exaggeration. Grappling, rolling, striking all allow me to work out frustrations and–especially the BJJ aspect–forces me to think and contemplate. It feels like a chess match–at least to me. I’m okay with the game chess. Now, I just need to learn the appropriate pieces and moves to actually present some form of a challenge to those I practice with.

It’ll happen.